True Colors
by previouslysane
Summary: Blaine? Blaine from Dalton Academy? Well, I knew a Blaine from Dalton Academy... we were best friends, actually. Sam's reflection about his and Blaine's friendship, and how things changed.


"I knew there was something about that school- I mean, he'd never even talked about it before!" Finn said angrily. I walked in the choir room.

"Sorry I'm late…" I said. I took note of the electricity in the air with Finn's angered face, and everyone else's annoyed expressions. "Wait… what happened?"

"Kurt's seeing someone from Dalton." Finn clenched his jaw. "I mean… I bet that that kid told him to leave McKinley!"

"It's nothing like that," Mercedes muttered shaking her head. "He's been a rock for Kurt, you should be happy for him."

"You've known about this?" Rachel whipped around to face Mercedes.

"Yes." She said indignatly. "I tried to get him to tell y'all, but he didn't want to be treated like the new St. Berrry."

"Well, we _should_ have a reason to be upset- Look at Jesse! Look what he did to Glee club! What's this new guy gonna do-"

"Just because Blaine's in the Warblers-"

"Wait- his name is Blaine?" I cut in, frowning. Everyone turned to look at me, and I felt my face get hot. "I just- I used to know a kid named Blaine."

"Whatever-" Mercedes said, turning to look at Finn again. "You need to back off of him because he is finally happy. Don't ruin it for him."

I hardly registered Finn's retort. Yes… yes, I used to know a Blaine. I used to know a Blaine very, very well. A Blaine that went to Dalton Academy- the school I was at last year.

* * *

We met unconventionally, you could say… We were in middle school- 7th grade, actually. He was in the locker room and I just happened to walk in while he was crying. He was so embarrassed… He tried to cover up with jokes and mockery… but I knew that he couldn't take it. I took his hands, looked him hard in the eye and just wrapped my arms around him. The sobs that were coming from his body weren't light ones. He fell apart at my hug and I just held him tightly. He needed someone, and I needed someone too. He needed comforting and I needed to comfort. It seemed to the world a perfect match.

Yeah, I knew he was gay. Yeah, I knew that people would probably think I was gay. That really didn't register to me when he was sobbing his eyes out. I just wanted to be a friend.

We were friends after that. We were best friends. I would go over to his house after school and we would play video games and talk about sports. I'd talk to him about girls while he talked to me about boys. I never felt awkward around him like other people did around gays. He never really came onto me. I thought that maybe he would… but he never did. He really just was a guy… who liked other guys. He sometimes introduced me to a couple of his boyfriends… some of which were huge creeps. One of them I really didn't feel comfortable with because he would always follow me with his eyes. I didn't like the feeling of constantly being checked out, so I told Blaine that and that guy was gone in two days. I told him that he really didn't have to do that, but Blaine had just shrugged. The same with my girlfriends. Blaine would get all girly around my girlfriends, a way that he could never be with me, and they would adore him.

We were friends. We were _best_ friends. When Blaine transferred to Dalton, I transferred to Dalton also. Then… I guess… that's where things fell apart.

Blaine just basked in the masculinity there, and I just basked in Blaine's confidence. It was amazing to watch that sobbing boy turn into someone so sure of himself. I had envied and respected him… and Blaine had nearly tricked me into thinking that I had a crush.

_**OOOoooooOOOO**_

We'd gotten into a deep conversation about sexuality, what made someone straight, what made someone gay. It was interesting enough, but Blaine seemed so interested in it that he was so close to me in fascination. I realized after a few minutes that Blaine was coming onto me. The first time in two years, and he was being suggestive.

"How do you know that you don't like guys?" Blaine muttered, sitting very close to me. I frowned, but didn't move away from him. Why didn't I move away from him? I don't want this… really… he's just my friend…

"The same way you know that you don't like girls." I muttered, thinking. _Was _it the same way?

"But I've at least kissed a couple girls. I've tested the waters." Blaine shrugged. He was so close. His breath smelled nice, like, really nice. It's probably because of those expensive mints that he bought. "How can't you be intrigued by all these guys at Dalton? Haven't you ever just _thought _about it?"

"Well yeah…" I murmured before I could stop myself. "But it was never something that excited me…"

"Just…" Blaine was impossibly close to me now, and I wasn't turning away. I was curious… I mean, a pair of lips is a pair of lips, right? "Do you want to know… what it tastes like?" He quoted the movie that we were watching and I suppressed a chuckle. "It's not that difficult Sam." He breathed.

Half-lidded, unsure, tentatively I closed the gap between our lips. It was squishy and delicious. He responded in equal measure that I did. It was more than a peck- _much _more than a peck- but he didn't rub his hands all over me, and I was thankful for that. I kept one hand on his face, and he had one hand on my shoulder… and the rest was leaning against the couch. We backed out and looked at each other. His eyes held a longing that I didn't understand at first.

I didn't know what to say to him. I just breathed. I hadn't felt anything, but I really liked kissing, and I had a dry spell with girls because of my attending Dalton. I went back in for another one. I mean… if I was gay… it would be easier to get with someone. He kissed me deeply this time, and he sort of pressed himself into me. His body was close, it was warm. He was my friend. He was one of my friends, so this shouldn't be _that _weird. Suddenly, I realized that I was lying on top of him, kissing him as though I were trying to get something out of him. Which I was. I didn't feel anything… I was trying to feel something- _anything-_ while kissing him. Which I didn't. I didn't feel anything at _all._ I sat up slowly, his eyes lingering on me as I did so… he was gauging my every movement. I sat there on the couch in silence, nervous. I didn't want to upset him- I was straight. Did he like me? What was this? We sat there in silence for the longest time until Blaine finally broke it.

"I… I tried not to." Blaine muttered throatily. He understood. He completely understood why I hadn't continued, why I had sat up and stared blankly at the television. "I tried my hardest… but something about the way that you looked at me this year… I realized that- that I wanted it. I wanted it more than anything."

I turned my head to look into Blaine's eyes. They were brimming with familiar tears. This was the kid that I had hugged all those years ago in 7th grade when he was crying. Now we were in high school. I didn't know things got so complicated.

"Blaine…" I shook my head. "I… I tried. But… I'm straight."

"I'll settle for bisexual." Blaine didn't even try to hide the longing in his voice. "Please, Sam."

"Blaine, you can't ask me to be what I'm not." I said firmly. "I didn't… I didn't feel _anything._ I swear to you, if I had felt something, I would've told you because we'd totally make a kick-ass couple but… I… I didn't."

Blaine's face crumpled. "I hate myself." He whispered. "How could I be so stupid?"

"You're not stupid." I chuckled, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You just want what you can't-"

"Don't touch me." He hissed, swatting off my hand. I recoiled, shocked by his anger. "I… I'm sorry… but Sam, if we can't- if you're not-"

"No…" I said shaking my head. "No, Blaine, you're kidding me. You're not doing that 'If I can't date you then I can't be around you' type deals, are you?"

He stood up, wiping his eyes. "I… I love you, Sam. I really do. I've never felt something so strong before… I-" Blaine twisted up his face to keep the tears in check. "I- being around you hurts."

"Blaine, you're my best friend." I stood up next to him. I really didn't want to ruin our friendship- I didn't think that he had liked me… or… loved me. I really didn't have very many friends away from him. He was honestly the only person who knew _everything _about me. And… well… I _thought_ that I knew everything about him…

"I can't." Blaine said, tears falling freely over his cheeks now. "I just… I can't." His voice broke as he backed to the door. "I… I'm… I can't talk to you…"

I pulled him close and held him. I tried to feel something- I couldn't lose him as a friend. My parents didn't try to understand me, my girlfriends were are shallow- I tried, I _tried _to feel something.

"I can't- I need someone to talk to-" I said, my throat closing in on itself. "I'm a real person when I talk to you. You're my best friend… but I'm _straight-"_

"Then stop-" He wrestled his way out of my grasp, "-acting so _gay_!"

"I'm sorry…" I said. "I…" I looked around the room for the rest of the sentence.

"It's okay, Sam, it really is." Blaine said. "Maybe we can be friends again someday." Blaine hesitated for a second and then leaned in for another kiss. I kissed him back softly, willing emotions to come, but they didn't.

"I'll… I'll see you around." Blaine muttered, turning and going up the stairs.

* * *

That was the last time we were friends. I went back to school on Monday, and he acted as if he didn't see me. I would try and talk to him, but he seemed guarded, as though he had put up his own barriers against me also. I had no friends. So I joined the football team. I had a very impressionable 9th grade, and I learned what I learned about social status from them. No matter that the Warblers did, the football team was always praised by the parents the most. I liked the feeling of being on top of the social ladder- it had become my one and only high. Every time I saw Blaine, though, I would be knocked down a couple rungs… just his presence kept my ego in check. Tenth grade came and I allowed myself get swept up in the football jocks again, I didn't want to do anything but be at the top. Blaine joined the Warblers, I had always told him that he had a great singing voice. I wasn't very much interested in being friends with him much anymore. Football had convinced me that if he didn't want to be friends with me, that was his loss. Even if that's not the way it felt.

There was no point for me to be at Dalton anymore, and the tuition was becoming expensive for my parents… so I left. I came to McKinley and I realized that I had to climb the social ladder again by myself. It was all that mattered- I mean, I wouldn't be shoving kids into lockers or slushieing them- but I needed to be at the top.

Kurt…. He sort of reminded me of Blaine- though they're not really alike at all. Kurt was more like one of my girlfriends than he was like Blaine. But the fact that he was gay made me think of Blaine from time to time… it made me regret my ever allowing Blaine kiss me.

Now this sudden collision of my old life and my new one seemed to shock me into introverted speculation- wait what? I thought about my past. I thought about Blaine. I thought about who I was before I was obsessed with being on top. I wondered where the old me had gone… the shy geek with a gay best friend.

"Sam?" Quinn tapped me on the shoulder and I jerked back into reality. "Sam, you've been staring at nothing for the longest time… are you alright?" I looked at my head cheerleader girlfriend and the ring on her finger, I looked down at Finn who I had a mild resentment towards because of his quarterback position, I looked around at the Glee club who had just praised me for being a leader against fighting Karofksky- and I smiled.

"Yeah," I said. "Everything's fine." In that moment, I decided.

Being on top was better than being yourself.

* * *

_**Poor Sam is so impressionable. I personally know what it feels like to have one of your best friends just up and leave you. I feel like Sam would change himself to fit in with other people. I'd had this plot in the back of my mind somewhere. Sam is pretty much a very flat character on the show, the only thing we know about him is how much he wants to be the most popular kid around, so... I grew from that. YES I LOVE ELLIPSES...**_

_**On the actual show, if Sam isn't gay, then he's the most solid in his masculinity, is what I think. **_

_**So… on that note… yeeeeeeeeeee**_

_**May or may not continue, I've got thoughts about their meeting again.**_


End file.
